Positivity Can Help Ease the Pain of DivorceEven in the storm that is a divorce or legal separation, there can be peace. Separating from a life partner can create much turmoil, but within each of us, there is a spirit that we can tap to create positivity.

It takes strength, perseverance, and patience, but it can be done. What is important is to know is that, whether or not by choice, you are moving toward a better place.

The following five guideposts for positivity are adapted from The Principles of Parting by Wendy Paris. All are focused on creating positive energy from the negativity that accompanies the end of a significant relationship.

The Basics

First, determine what the most important issues are that you face. It may be important that you have daily distractions, such as chores, or it may be that you need to have a confidant in times of need. Identify your weaknesses and make a plan to deal with each of them.


A University of Arizona psychologist, David Sbarra, found that self-compassion was critical to the successful recovery of people going through a divorce. Self-compassion includes not “ruminating about . . . . negative mental states . . . or wallowing in . . . isolation and loneliness.”


It is also important to own both your past and your future. Regardless of who was at “fault” in the demise of your marriage, you must move past it. Rather than re-reading old chapters, embrace the opportunity the next chapter brings and take responsibility for making it better and more meaningful.


While anger often serves as a motivating force for change, if held too long, it can become counterproductive. As Paris states, anger “keeps you tethered to the past.” Often, anger can be mitigated by developing empathy for your ex-spouse. Empathy is the key to moving forward in a positive way.


Now more than ever, stop and smell the roses. Enjoy the pitter-patter of little feet in your house. Losing old traditions is difficult but made easier by the adoption of new ones. Make plans to visit with an old friend, and laugh.

Positivity is at the heart of all of Paris’ suggestions. By remaining focused on the future and the positive in life, you will soon find yourself in a better place.

A marital breakup is hard on everyone involved. At Lightning Legal Group, we understand how difficult it can be to decide whether to end a significant relationship, but we also know how exciting it can be to start down a new path. We pride ourselves on tailoring our counsel to individual circumstances, and we can advise you about the options you have to end your marriage properly. Call today: (505) 247-2390.


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